Lockdown changes

 I haven't been writing for a long time. It was a lot to write about but I haven't got the time or motivation to sit down and word all it out. But stuff happened, and so did changes; and I hope I did most things right and adapted well to them. I lost a couple of friends (will share in a moment how), and also I gained a couple of new ones, or with some of my closed-knit contacts we are not that closed-knit anymore (and I would lie if I told that it didn't hurt). But today I wasn't going to write about the emotional changes in me, just about the circumstances and how I coped with them. Just be patient, this emotional roller-coaster will make sense to you, too, dear Reader. :-) 

Somewhere in KrungThep Bridge. :-)

Okay, here are the things that happened to me since April: 

1. I resigned from my old school and accepted another position in Bangkok. 

2. I moved houses. 

3. I got inspired by my new, wonderful colleagues. 

4. I started a lot of interesting workshops. 

1) 

I resigned from my position in Saraburi in April, not knowing that time that the school academic year will be lengthened until July 9th. This caused a bit of trouble, both for the admin team there and at my new school, as well, but eventually, I managed to part on time in order to start my teaching July 1st, as it was stated in the contract draft in Bangkok. However, my heart goes out to Saraburi people, because, oh well, my parting did not go well. There were a couple of misunderstandings if I should get my last 2 paychecks in cash or transferred to my bank account, a couple of misunderstandings about handing back keys and also I was shocked by the amount deducted from my salary. (Again, due to some misunderstandings.) But a better life (or the hope of it) was waiting for me in Bangkok, so after sufficient complaining (always part of Hungarian life, hehe), eventually I was in my new place. Huge shoutout and thanks for my friends (mostly Hungarians), who listened to my infinite complaints and disappointments, who hosted me in such a short basis, and who supported me in every way they could. :-) (Even some colleagues (or rather friends) offered me lending their money, in case I was tight on that. I'm truly blessed by you, peeps!) 

Despite being in Bangkok, the school premise is in a jungle: 

It is worth mentioning though, that since I moved, a significant number of my dreams is about snakes. Colleagues often mention than there are plenty of snakes on the premise, like you're walking around and thud! one reptile is just falling down from the tree. I hope, if anything will fall from the tree, it won't be in front of my shoes, it won't be a king cobra, and it won't fall on me (because then I'd guarantee, I'd get a heart attack and fall into this cute lake).  So, as the proverb has it: not everything is shiny that shines!

2) 

Moving to Bangkok was pretty easy, now that I look back on it. When it was happening, of course, I stopped eating for a while and I felt quite at loss. I was anxious! Hence the misunderstanding, I had to change visas on June 18, but since my new contract hasn't started up until July 1st, luckily I could be put on a COVID-visa. It cost me 1900 THB, though, but as some friends said, it was the price for my liberty. Well, not liberty in the full sense of the word, but more like, my pass to have a different life. :-) 

Luckily, my colleague from my ex-school offered me to take me on his pick-up truck and it was nice to have him converse with me and have a couple of laughs on the way. Worth mentioning that at this time (mid-June), we were very close to the national lockdown again, where interprovincial travels were stopped, airplanes got a full stop, and people had to obtain different passes to cross interprovincial borders. My trip was pre-pass and pre-QR-code-register, but the deadline was quite close and that made me further anxious. 

My mind was in this spiral: will I make it? Will they accept my visa? Will I be deported? Will I be released from my previous school? Won't my passport be held back? Will I be able to cross the interprovincial border? Will I make it? - you get me. 

It doesn't sound this easy, like: we had a couple of visa trips there and back and then eventually it was sorted, no. It went without tears and sweat, that's true, but I swear, I chewed all my nails (including toenails too), plus, I had to manage different duties at a time. Signing a paper in Saraburi, then rush down to Bangkok, provide a photo. Then signing my contract! Then this... then that. So lucky, I haven't come all the way down from Chiang Mai, but from the neighbouring province. What craziness would that be?!

I'm so grateful. Mainly, because of these people: (B, N, P), I wouldn't have made it. B took me to BKK, where N and P helped me carry up my stuff into my room. We hit a good vibe with the new guys (colleagues), immediately. What's more, N. even brought me food! :-) I'm so blessed, so blessed, so blessed! See, for feelings, there are really no words. :-) 

3) 

The new school has a completely different vibe than my old one. I don't feel lost anymore. Well, this is not true to its fullest sense, but I have a lot of people to turn to or talk to if in doubt, or if I want company, too. I feel like, I'm getting helped more and growing more academically. It doesn't mean that the new school is a better school than the old one I left in Saraburi, it's just... it's different. It fits me more, I would say, but I know some people who wouldn't fit in here. Also, I know some people, all over the world, that I used to work with and some people would fit so well in here, with me, whereas others don't. It's not even about abilities... I guess, the main difference here is that most of my colleagues are talented at something and very artistic. All of them are unique and gifted. I haven't worked in such an inspiring environment, yet. 

N, for example (that we always speak Spanish between each other because he comes from South America), is a "titiretero", which means puppet-maker in English. He makes his own puppets and he records short films with them. Once, at the beginning of our friendship, he invited me to his room and showed me all of his puppets, told me the history of them and how they got to be his. He played a short scene for me with them, too, and oh gosh, the man is talented! The little squirrel, which was just sitting on his shelf, gained a completely new personality when it was on his hand. 

V, my peer-teacher for a while, is as much into literature, as me. She even drew a picture of Shakespeare that went into the World Records' book! Okay, she didn't draw it really... rather, she wrote ALL the works of Shakespeare (all the dramas' titles, sonnets' titles and everything), and at the end, the drawing formed Shakespeare's head and chest! How amazing is that! 

At the beginning, of course, I was fighting my own inferior feelings. "I'm not good enough. I'm just copying others. I'm not a real artist." See, our inner anxious words could ruin everything for us. But that's why it is so good to have N and V so close to me (we shared the same complex too for a while). They always lifted me up, what's more, I'm not afraid to be vulnerable in front of them. I don't know if it's because of the school and its holistic methods we use to teach, or because of the companions (which one drew each other closer at first?), but I feel myself that I'm on a safe place. 

Inspiration from my favourite book: The Garden of Evening Mists. 

I've just highlighted two people because it has happened so much in this long time, too. S, that I lent a book too and we always talked about forests, M, who drew a drawing about all of us in one of the meetings, L, who offered his help when I was in a dire need of that, or T, the academic director, that I could turn to with ANYTHING, seriously! When we were offered the vaccine, by the school, I immediately asked her since my own Mom had the best of her sleeps (as it was around 1-2 am in Hungary), or when I get stuck with resources, or when I feel down, she's always ready to help me out and hear me. She's truly a treasure! But so are everyone I've encountered here at the school so far. N2, that is my peer-teacher and has a lot of musical / theatrical / book reference for me to anything and to any of my comments. 

And, recently, not because or through school, but because and through my connections, another person stepped in my life... I'm not ready to share it on here, yet, and also, just waiting for things to unfold. But I count him to my blessings right now and wanted to mention that as well. :-) 

With all these circumstances, I feel like I found that well-desired balance I was longing for in Thailand and which I found so easily in Ecuador. And this, of course shook my future plans, too. But of course, again, we know nothing about the future. Right now, it's lockdown. I haven't even seen anything from Thailand itself, either! It would be sad to leave at the end of my contract with only having visited Ayutthaya and Suphan Buri. Not because I feel myself entitled or privileged, but more because I just gave it a thought; I would get the same life anywhere here... online teaching, lots of screen time and teaching only through the screen. (Let me mention, that the screentime issue was another major issue why I postponed blog writing. I was just so happy to close my computer down at times and relax with a good book or playing music.) (Yes, I play music! :-) But I plan to write another entry of that!)

And, I got the vaccine, too! It happened the next day when I moved to Bangkok. My boss called me that our school got a quote of 10 people and since the unclear situation of when expats could be vaccined, they decided to give it mainly to our team. I went together with N, P, V and some other teachers, too. Even though I was worried of the side-effects of Astra Zenneca (AZ), I had the option to consult a doctor there right on the spot. I think I have never been so prepared in my life with my medical papers. :-) They told me that the side-effects of the virus would be a thousand times worse than the side-effects of AZ, which actually I could maintain with some mild chills and fatigue. I think I slept around 21 hours the next day, but I accounted my moving and changing anxiety and stress for that more than the vaccine itself. After the 2-week period of forming immunity, I was happy to follow N to parks and try out some cafés nearby, before everything else just completely shut down and a curfew of 9 pm was introduced, as well. 

4) 

Despite the lockdown, my life has never been so full of activities. Harari is right when he says: everything happens in our heads. It's true! 

The fact that I moved to Bangkok, opened up my options A LOT!