Merry Xmas!

 There is a Finnish poem which says the Christmas is only in the hearts of people and it is when we want it. This is how I feel tonight. 

It's Christmas Eve. I miss my family, mostly my dear sister and my dear cousins but in general, Christmas in 2020 would be different anyway. It's not about the festivities - and maybe, hopefully, this year it will change it for us forever, that it should be in our hearts. Even if it disappeared from it at some point. 

Christmas is when we want it - says the poem and sadly I don't remember who wrote it. Christmas is when our beloved ones run towards us. Christmas is in the heart when you see someone that you love smile at you - or see someone think of you but s/he doesn't realize it that you're watching him / her yet. It's the feeling, and the warmth of the love. 

I am grateful to have so many friends to think of and talk to during this night. I don't feel myself lonely even if "I should be": my family are far away, my closest friends are even farther. But I'm grateful to have few friends here that make my Christmas memorable and that I see people that truly love and care about me - that I can also truly love and care for people. I'm grateful that I have received lovely messages - not only from friends, but also from my students. It's Christmas in my heart, not only on the 24th of December, but in the rest of the year, as well. 

I am not thinking about missing, not anymore, not since I used to live in different parts of the world. Missing will always be there. If I'm with my family, I'll miss some close friends. If I'm with close friends, I'll miss family. Aren't we lucky to have the whole Earth with people around that fill our hearts with love? :-) 

Today, a friend messaged me who said that she would never forget the Xmas she had spent with me and my family. It was indeed very nice. <3 Meanwhile, I also remembered another night, back in Ecuador, when I didn't want to be with anyone (school has stressed me out, all those Secret Santa activities have been overwhelming and I could feel, only that night I could be with myself properly) and found the only other person who wanted to be alone, too, so we spent the whole day together, going to the market, cooking typical Hungarian Xmas Eve food and chatting until 2-3 am in the morning. Both of these evenings could have happened on any other day, other than 24th of December, and I've had several more experience like this on any other days, indeed. 

Maybe, today is only special because I feel so overwhelmed and peaceful with all the love that surrounds me and us... that's truly the magic of Christmas. Merry Xmas everyone! :-)