Quarantine Diary part 2. Moody day

 


From today on, Hungary's borders are shut down and just today it dawned on me that if I wanted to, if I really wanted to (or had to?), maybe I couldn't even go back home (or it would be difficult anyway). I was just lying in the bed until 3 am, thinking: what have I done? I am in a foreign country, a foreigner, alone, and I don't even speak the language. Will I manage?

What if something happens to me? How will I make myself understood? (Even when sometimes I cannot understand myself.)

We can put it nicely, but the hotel still feels like a prison sometimes. We are controlled to so much extent that we are even have to give a prior notification when we want to leave our rooms. Which is still reasonable, but you get it. 

10 000 kilometers already sound too much, but given the conditions, now it even seems more. I know, I have to give time to things. I know I can also change and I will as well. According to Haemin Sunim (his book is highly recommended, Love for Imperfect Things), we will change all the time, that's why we have so many different friends and also friendships. We have something in common with all of them and all of our faces shown to them are still us. His thoughts are clearly feeding my soul now! 

Last night my insecurities came out. But I know that I'm strong. We'll get through this. The Sun is there, always, above the clouds. :-) I am feeling so mixed now and so insecure, but this too shall pass. 

Will I be a good enough teacher? Will I be enough? Will I have nice experiences here? Will I find for what I came for? What have I come here for? Somehow, I miss Ecuador (I miss the excitement of the first weeks there. But what I truly miss is the pre-covid world. :-( I know, we are together in this, so keep up.)

My mind is in Europe, my soul is in SA, and I am in Asia. Feels so extreme. Where do I belong? Do I belong to anywhere at all? 

Don't worry about me though, I know, I'll find my balance soon again. :-) Just feeling blue today and in these moments. It's part of life. Really grateful for friends who keep up my spirits. Much love! (what goes around... :-) ).

xx 

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Teaching at an international school... I mean at Hogwarts!

Kép
Fridays are special in the school's life (so also in mine). Not only because I feel especially brainwashed a.k.a. completely tired but also because Fridays are Sport days!!!! :-) Yeyeyeye! For teachers: it's for 2 hours just to relax and watch our teams play (at least that's what I naively thought!), for students: making them more tired for the weekend (and more clothes to wash for parents!).  No, anyway, in the school there are no PE classes, so that's how it's sorted out. Every week the students are organized in groups according to their houses (yes!), and they play volleyball or basketball or soccer. It's fun! :-) (when the sports hall has a ventillation system) and it's not so fun when you need to run around in 35+ degrees (not Fahrenheit this time).  Theoretically, I should have helped my house (more details later) but I just felt so overwhelmed after the whole week so that I was only chatting with some of my students - whom I didn't even recognize ...
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Monthly Cycling at Ban Kra Chao

Kép
  I haven't written for an unforgivable loooong time - but ... Okay, I really have no excuse. I was busy, making new friends, I kind of ditched blogging for a while, I got a new friend that I eagerly chat with every day (he is Hungarian, too), and I don't know. I just had a lot of Damocles' swords and stormclouds above my head figuring out my life (again and again). I guess, the figuring out stays with us any way, no longer what our age is as life itself always produces some topsy-turvy detours which bring us new questions and new perspectives.  Okay, before becoming more philosophical, I would like to give one of my excuses why I wasn't that present nowadays: and the main reason is the monthly cycling event! :-) W. invited me to this long before and not knowing what to expect, I gladly joined him on March the 6th! Oh my... for a long time, this was one of my best days in Thailand! You know, I'm struggling with the language, I struggle with the isolation (sometimes)...
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Loy Krathong

Kép
 Yesterday I went out to celebrate the real Loy Krathong which is basically the celebration of the river. All the people are floating different ornaments on it, wishing good luck and thanking the river at the same time for bringing them water and thus food. The little ornament - as you can see - consists of natural materials: banana leaves and flowers. Then incent sticks are put into it with a candle to light it up. It's really beautiful.  As you can see from the picture, the whole riverside was closed down so that no cars could enter, the streets there were made into pedestrian streets. There were huge ornaments, too - made by the municipiality I guess - which were probably flown down later on that evening. It truly had a spiritual mood! :-) It was really a pleasure to check that out.  I went there with a new friend around 6-ish and left around 7, but later on at night, I got back to the place and it was - by that time - stuffed with people already! Anyway. Here are some...
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